How to Disagree with Someone More Powerful Than You
如何向比你更有权力的人表达不同意见
Your boss proposes a new initiative you think won't work. Your senior colleague outlines a project timeline you believe is unrealistic. What do you say when you disagree with someone who has more power than you do? How do you decide whether it's worth speaking up? And if you do, what exactly should you say? Here's how to disagree with someone more powerful than you.
你的老板提出了一个你士行不通的新方案。你的资深同事列出了一个你认为不现实的项目时间表。当与一个比你更有权力的人意见不一时，你会说什么？你如何确定这是否值得直抒已见？如果你确定了，你到底该说什么？以下是如何向比你更有权力的人表达不同意见的方法。
41. Decide whether to wait
决定是否需要等待
You may decide it’s best to hold off on voig your opinion. Maybe you haven’t fihinking the problem through, or you want to get a clearer sense of what the group thinks.If you think other people are going to disagree, too, you might want to gather your army first. People tribute experience or information to your thinking—all the things that would make the disagreement stronger or more valid. It’s also a good idea to dey the versation if you are in a meeting or other public space. Discussing the issue in private will make the powerful person feel less threatened.
你也许会决定最好还是不要发表意见。也许你还没有把问题彻底想明白，或者你想更清楚地了解小组成员的想法。如果你认为其他人也会不同意，你可能会想先召集与你想法相同的人。他们可以为你的想法提供经验或信息——所有这些都能使你提出的异议更有说服力或更有效。如果是在会议期间或其他公共场合，推迟谈话也是一个好主意。私下讨论有异议的问题会使有权力的人感到不那么受威胁。
42. Identify a shared goal.
确定共同的目标
Before you share your thoughts, think about what the powerful person cares about—it may be the credibility of their team etting a project done on time.You’re more likely to be heard if you ect your disagreement to a higher purpose. When you do speak up, don’t assume the link will be clear. You’ll want to state it overtly, textualizing your statements so that you’re seen not as a disagreeable subordias a colleague who’s trying to advance a on objective. The discussion will then beore like a chess game than a boxing match.
在你分享自己的想法之前，想想有权力的人在乎的是什么——或许是他们团队的信誉，又或许是按时完成一个项目。如果你能把自己的异议与更高的目标联系起来，你的想法就更有可能被听取。公开陈述自己的想法，并将你的陈述置于一种情境中，这样你就不会被看作一个难以相处的下属，而是一个尽力达成共同目标的同事。这样一来，这场讨论就会更像是一场博弈，而非一场拳击比赛。
43. Ask permission to disagree.
征得许可后再陈述异议
This step may sound overly deferential, but it’s a smart way to give the powerful person psychological safety and trol. You say something like, “I know we seem to be moving toward a first-quarter itment here.I have reasons to think that won’t work.I’d like to y out my reasoning. Would that be OK?” This gives the person a choice, allowing him to verbally opt in. And, assuming he says yes, it will make you feel more fident about voig your disagreement.
这一步可能听起来过于谦恭，但却是使有权之人获得心理安全感和控制权的明智之举。你可以这样说，“我知道我们似乎正在朝着第一季度的承诺迈进。但我有理由认为这行不通。我想阐述一下我的观点。您觉得可以吗？”这给了对方一个选择，允许他口头上决定是否听取。而且，假设他同意，这会让你更有信心表达自己的异议。
44. Stay calm.
保持冷静
You might feel your heart rag or your face turning red, but do whatever you to remairal in both your words and as. When your body nguage unicates reluce or ay, it us the message.It sends a mixed message,and your terpart gets to choose what signals to read. Deep breaths help,as speaking more slowly and deliberately. When we feel panicky, we tend to talk louder and faster. Simply slowing the pad talking in aone helps the other person cool down and does the same for you. It also makes you seem fident, even if you aren’t.
你可能会感觉自己心跳加速或满脸通红，但无论在言语上还是行为上，你都要尽你所能保持平静。当你的肢体语言传达出不情愿或焦虑时，你所传递的信息也会被削弱。这样传递出的信息含混不清，需要对方来选择要读取的信息。深呼吸、放缓语速或从容不迫地讲话都会有所帮助。当我们感到紧张时，我们往往讲话声音更大、语速更快。只要放慢节奏，用平和的语调说话，就可以帮助对方冷静下来，也能让自己冷静下来。这也会让你看起来很自信，即使你并不自信。
45. Stay humble
保持谦虚
Emphasize that you’re only your opinion, not gospel truth.It may be a well-informed, well-researched opinion, but it’s still an opinion, so talk tentatively and slightly uate your fidence. Instead of saying: “If we set an end-of-quarter deadline, we will never make it,” say, “ This is just my opinion, but I don’t see hoill make that deadline.” Having asserted your opinion (as a position, not as a fact),demonstrate equal curiosity about other views. Remind the person that this is your point of view, and then invite critique. Be open to hearing other opinions.
需要强调的是，你提出的只是自己的意见，而不是绝对真理。这也许是你对各种情况了解透彻、深入研究后提出的意见，但它仍然只是一个意见，所以试探性地谈谈，不要显得过于自信。与其说“如果我们设定一个季度末的最后期限，我们将永远无法完成。”还不如说，“这只是我的观点，但我不太清楚我们要如何在最后期限前完成。”坚持自己的立场(作为立场，而非事实)之后，也要对其他观点表现出同样的好奇心。提醒对方这只是个人看法，然后接受评判。虚心听取他人意见。
We tend to think that friends and family members are gest sources of e,ughter, and warmth. While that may well be true, researchers have also retly found that iing with strangers actually brings a boost in mood and feelings of belonging that we didn’t expect.
我们往往认为，朋友和家人是我们情感联系、欢笑和温暖的最大源泉。尽管这种说法很可能正确，但最近研究人员也发现，与陌生人交谈实际上会带给我们意想不到的情绪改善和归属感。
In one series of studies, researchers instructed Chicago-area uters using public transportation to strike up a versation with someohem. On average, partits who followed this instru felt better than those who had been told to stand or sit in silehe researchers alsued that when we shy away from casual iions with strangers, it is ofteo a mispced ahat they might not want to talk to us. Much of the time,however, this belief is false.As it turns out, many people are actually perfectly willing to talk — and may eveered to receive your attention.
在一系列研究中，研究人员指示芝加哥地区的通勤者在乘坐公共交通工具时和自己旁边的人交谈。平均而言，遵从研究人员指示的参与者比那些被吩咐默不作声地站着或坐着的参与者感受更好。研究人员还认为，当我们避免与陌生人进行随意的交谈时，通常是由于我们产生了一种不应有的焦虑感——认为别人或许不愿与我们交谈。然而，很多时候这种看法是错误的。事实证明，许多人实际上非常乐意交谈，甚至可能会因为受到你的关注而感到荣幸。